I went to a Thriving Threes workshop tonight. I learned a lot of useful information regarding the routines, discipline and skill development for three-year olds. Below is an overview of what I learned.
Routines:
It is very important to have a very specific routine for pretty much everything. Children love routines and it helps then to feel safe and secure. For example, your morning routine might consist of wake up, go potty, brush teeth, get dressed and eat breakfast. The routine should consist of the exact same things in the exact same order every day. DO NOT BREAK THE ROUTINE. Adults are thrown when they don’t get their morning ‘routine’ cup of coffee or shower. Children are thrown off just the same. Only they are young and ‘handle’ routine change by crying or having a temper tantrum.
Discipline:
At age three, children can control two things, their bodily functions and their parent’s emotions. When you discipline a child, you should show no emotion. Further you should not talk them. The facilitator encourages the ‘1,2,3, Timeout’ approach. When the child does something wrong you simply say (with no emotion), “Sawyer, that’s one.” If the child has the same bad behavior within the next five seconds you say (with no emotion), “Sawyer, that’s two.” If the child does the same bad behavior a third time you say (with no emotion), “Sawyer, that’s three. Timeout.” You do not lecture the child or provide an explanation for their punishment. When the timeout is over, you let the child up with no explanation, apology or hugs/ kisses. The child already knows what they did wrong, they don’t need you to explain it. Further, apologies at this time are very rarely heart-felt. Finally, there should be no need for hugs/kisses because no emotion was shown on the part of the parent so the child should have no hurt feelings.
You must have rules and expectations. Rules need to be simple, short and few (3-5 rules for a three-year old). Consequences for breaking rules or not following expected behavior needs to be enforced every time and in the exact same way every time with as little words as possible. For example, “Sawyer, no hitting. Timeout.” Do not say, “Sawyer, I’ve told you over and over that hitting is bad behavior. When you hit someone it hurts. How would you like it if someone hit you? etc.” Three year olds do not have the ability to reason or have logical thoughts/behaviors so a lecture is pointless.
Follow through and be consistent. Do not threaten a punishment that you will not or cannot go through with.
Tips:
Tell children what is coming up next so they can be prepared. For example, “After your bath, we will put on pj’s and then read a story.” If they are not ’surprised’, they are better able to cope.
Provide options. If bedtime is in five minutes, give your child the option of going to bed now or playing for five more minutes. This way, the child will think he is in control while the parent actually maintains control. Three year olds thrive on being in control of what they do and when they do it.
For whining and complaining, choose an empathetic phrase to use all the time (make best efforts to avoid the word, ‘No’ in this phrase). For example, your child asks to watch a movie and you tell them no. If they keep whining, “But I want to”, use an empathetic phrase such as, “I know you do.” Keep using the phrase over and over in an empathetic tone. Eventually, the child will stop whining after they hear the phrase one or two times because they know that the parent will just continue to use the phrase over and over. Using an empathetic phrase shows that you are listening and are in touch with their feelings.
Skill Development:
Three years old is the right time to begin major skill development in the following areas . . .
Fine Motor: Hands-On . . . play-do, cutting with scissors, writing, etc.
Gross Motor: Pedaling a bike, hopping on one foot, etc.
Social: Conversations, ask/answer questions, develop friendships
Cognitive: Making connections (i.e. recognizing a specific letter in different places . . . a story book, a road sign, a refrigerator magnet), memory, matching, etc.













